~ The Lovezone with Geena Lee ~ Episode 30: War Of The Hearts

I don’t think anyone really likes being in an argument, especially with your significant other, but there is no relationship that doesn’t experience a spat or two now and then. It’s not the end of the world if you have disagreements, it doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed or that your partner doesn’t love you as much. It’s just that as humans, we don’t always see eye to eye, and a big part of making a relationship work is to understand that, and make compromises and adjustments accordingly.

There’s no way you can avoid all argument, it’s actually important to engage in discussions that may seem divisive at first. By airing out all the contention, both sides can have a clear view of what the issue is for the other, and make constructive steps towards resolving them. And that’s the key word here: ‘constructive’. There’s a thin line between arguing and fighting. You definitely don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re fighting your partner (verbally or physically), so we have to make certain steps to foster an environment where each person feels comfortable bringing up concerns that may be unpleasant to talk about.

The phrase: “We need to talk” can bring an instant cringe, but hey, if you avoid talking, there might soon be yelling, or just sullen silence that can create a distance, and before you know it, your relationship is on the rocks. It’s always best to nip things in the bud right away when it comes to disagreements. Maybe if we view arguments as ‘passionate discussions’, they won’t be so intimidating. If you’re hankering for a passionate discussion with your partner, or they’re initiating one with you, here are some tips that can help you get through the storm.

1. Listen carefully. Make sure you allow your partner to tell you what their concerns are, in detail, ask questions if there are points you would like to be made clear. Don’t interrupt when they’re in mid-sentence or mid-thought, just listen.

2. Respond respectfully. Acknowledge your partner’s issues and the situation at hand, even if you don’t agree with their viewpoint, let them know that you understand what they’re trying to say. Then put forward your response in a clear and straight-forward manner, allowing them to ask questions of clarification, because you know what, alot of times arguments spring out of miscommunication.

3. Seek a solution. Make sure you end an argument with some sort of conclusion, even if it’s just to agree on revisiting the topic at a later time. Maybe because you both need to cool down and collect your thoughts, going over the points that each side has shared. But hopefully the solution can be made in the moment of the disagreement. Look for a way to compromise. Be willing to be wrong. Maybe all you need to do is apologize, or just forgive.

Getting into an argument sucks, but it’s another way of getting to know more about your partner, and once you both know what the other finds annoying, your less likely to get into them. Ultimately, if you’re both committed to making your relationship work, you have to do all you can to work it out. And there’s nothing like making up after an argument!

Love,
Geena

War Of The Hearts
(to download, click here)

Ne-Yo – When You’re Mad
Conya Doss – Here We Go Again
Brendan Reilly – Problems
Monica – Sick and Tired
Aaliyah – We Need A Resolution ft. Timbaland
Rahsaan Patterson – Separate
Jill Scott – Talk To Me
Taiwah – Talk About
Luther Vandross – I’m Only Human
Ne-Yo – Mad
Case – Conversate
Ginuwine – Even When I’m Mad
Xscape – Understanding
Sade – War Of The Hearts