~ The Lovezone with Geena Lee ~ Episode 50: Chemistry
When it comes to dating, one of the top qualities we look for is chemistry. What exactly is chemistry? It’s that electric charge you get when you’re in their presence, that irresistible pull when you hear their voice, see their face, even when you smell them. That’s really the chemical part of chemistry. There are real physiological factors at play, which we have no control over. Scientists have proven that our bodies release very potent chemical signals called pheromones, and while you won’t be able to smell them, they can have a very profound effect on you. Have you ever felt physically drawn to someone for some inexplicable reason? That’s chemistry, and for many it’s an essential component of true love.
It’s important to not confuse chemistry with compatibility. Just because you both have a lot in common doesn’t mean you’ll have chemistry together. It certainly increases the chances, but it’s not a guarantee. The fact that you both like the same music, working out, and watching kung fu movies won’t automatically translate into a match made in heaven, but it could make for a good friendship. And that’s the line that chemistry draws in the sand between the ‘love zone’ and the dreaded ‘friend zone’. We’ve all been there, not able to make a relationship out of a friendship ‘cause you’re just not that into them; the chemicals needed to create that spark is simply not there.
So how can you tell whether you have chemistry with someone? It usually happens within the first 10 seconds, but if you don’t feel it in that moment, it’s still possible for it to develop as time goes on. As you get to know and become more comfortable with each other, you’ll start to sense more than you did before. Common physical signs that chemistry is taking hold is when in their presence you feel weak in the knees, and have a rush of excitement that can cause your heart to race and your palms to sweat. You find yourself wanting to be as close to them as possible, perhaps to get a deeper whiff of those intoxicating pheromones.
Now just as compatibility is not enough to create chemistry, the reverse is true. Just because you’re feeling chemistry with someone doesn’t mean you’ll be good together as a couple. Sometimes all you have is chemistry, but everything else in your lives doesn’t gel, and that could spell trouble down the line. It’s a particular kind of hell having amazing chemistry with someone you’re not compatible with. You’re like a moth to a flame, knowing you’re doomed but unable to resist the heat. These are the encounters that inspire countless love songs and romantic movies. These are the relationships that you sometimes regret but never forget.
So it seems that the best bet is to find someone who you’re compatible and have chemistry with. Easier said than done isn’t it? You may have to make a compromise as to how much of each you’re willing to have in a relationship. While chemistry is the more alluring quality, being swept off your feet and onto cloud nine, compatibility is what you need to make a relationship last. Or maybe it’s the other way around? No matter how compatible you are, if you don’t feel that electric charge when you’re with them, then you’re not much more than intimate friends aren’t you? Maybe it varies day by day, sometimes it’s compatibility that gets you through the hard times, and chemistry that makes it worth going through. I guess all we can do is follow our heart, and our pheromones.
Alicia Keys – Feeling U, Feeling Me (Freddie Joachim Rmx)
Faith Evans – Mesmerized
SWV – I’m So Into You
702 – Feelings
Erykah Badu – Umm Hmm
Lauryn Hill – Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You
Dwele – I Think I Love You
One Way – More Than Friends, Less Than Lovers
Corinne Bailey Rae – Breathless
Keyshia Cole – We Could Be
EWF – Can’t Hide Love
Change – Mutual Attraction
The Spinners – Could It Be I’m Falling in Love
Melanie Fiona – You Stop My Heart
Anita Baker – Caught Up In The Rapture
Luther Vandross – Knocks Me Off My Feet
Jill Scott – Spring Summer Feeling
Teddy Pendergrass – Love T.K.O.
Whitney Houston – Didn’t We Almost Have It All
Glenn Lewis – This Love
Jean Carne – Invitation
Andre 3000 – Prototype
SWV – Use Your Heart
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